to fall in love, again..

thats the worst, isn't it?? wanting to fall in love again? im not sure about that. maybe it is the hormone, maybe it is the drama im watching or maybe it is just the need of someone to lean on. to be honest, since the last relationship, i never thought of getting involved in this again. many reasons to it. one of it is that i thought im not suit to be in relationship (it takes a lot effort and time in it) and secondly, no candidates. up until now, i was quite satisfied with the life i had for the past few years.

til recently. too much argument with my parents, too many worries. i wish i have someone that i can just talks too and sometimes be with, even when i dont feel like saying something. i need someone to constantly talking with me to keep the silent away. sometimes i dont even feel like sleeping because i hate the silence the moment you fell asleep. thats i keep my ipod on, like 24/7.

well, life has been a straight line since i-dont-remember. not that it is good to have super ups or super lows times. but then straight line could get boring too sometimes. though i do appreciate the times that i have to spend living in cyber life. but those little ups and little downs could be a memory and often in times, inspirations for life. now there is not to be inspired at all. actually i'm sad today because i fought with mom, big time. and i got nobody that i can share it with. and i doubt my bloggie here can reply me. bloggie can only do as much as for me to pour out my heart. but over and over again, it is the same problem that we are arguing and i got tired of ever typing it again. because then, i will come to realize that i might, be, afterall alone in this world.

come to think of, i never really have dating experience. like really. i barely remember anything. but then why sudden gush of desperate wanting to experience it. the talking, the walking, the sharing, the holding, laughing. and of course, probably the crying.

probably it is the autumn that caused all this yearning.

pffttt.. i forgot the main problem. where to find the main male actor. the one that doesnt went MIA in the middle of movie. or someone who just walked by.