so low

i never thought there could be so much challenges in trying to be a complete human...bumps after bumpss..this ride never go slower or even easier for me..when i was just starting to count my blessing and start to feel grateful that everything is working out fine - only to be turn that it is a lie..

life always have a funny way to teach me things. they never let me know or hint me earlier so that i cold at least prepare myself to deal with things like that..low tide never fails to visit.

credit to : ironcpu @ devianart

one after another. it is so tiring, mentally exhausted.. it is hard enough trying to deal with all these shits and you still have to put on smile facing those who just cant understand how hard it is for you to take..the best they can do is tell you "it is ok" which is not comforting at all..only to add salts to the wound..even worse when people tell you "it teaches you something"...YOU JUST DONT FUCKING UNDERSTAND MY FEELINGS NOW..

probably i just enough of this world, of this life or probably i dont love my life that much. to me everything is vain thus i really wanted to give up. and things got so hard to take, all i really want to do is just to let it of my hand..crying like a little baby is not working, the pipes has long dried up. shouting doesnt help either..probably a pain-killer will..

this is not the 1st time i thought of it anyway..whats the point of living the dreams when you wake only to find the tears, pain and suffering.no one, absolutely NO ONE can bullshit and tell me they know who does it feel..because they dont. they can said the understand but do they really??

credit: najato @ devianart

im trying so hard to remember the reason im walking this path. the ka-ching, the people, the life all contributing to it. but the most, loves one...but sometimes i was thinking is it really not worth living like this.sick and pain, just gotta ignore and face all the nonsense in the world. the office and the UN. fucking life. and life doesnt get better.

for the sake of other, im doing this.but one failure, two failure, i seriously doubting that i was meant to do this..just a fucking nine months, and it just cant sail smoothly, can it??? how many times do i have to do all again.IM TIRED, SICK AND MENTALLY EXHAUSTED..

a walking body without its soul.flying around was its soul looking for its destiny...and destiny is playing around with life.life is just messing around.after all, there is another life for it to comes around if this fail.one accident and everything got so complicated because everything were messed up.

ONE MORE TIME. AND IM GONNA OUT. and dear god, please help me through this life with ease and pleasure. i did not ask for wealth so that i can spend on brand but all i ask is a simple smile everyday and not a single frown til night..and mom & dad, please bless me with all im doing although im not the best filial child of yours..and dear that person, please i need you more than ever now..