being gave up~

hmm...how long i haven't been updating my bloggie??
and not to mention i think i lost a few followers..coz i think the blog is getting more and more boring..
i try to update but i really dont know what to update..and i kinda promised not to update anything too personal but then i have been thinking, go to hell, this my blog and i can blog about anything..and recently i think too many things hit the wall and i need to release..

there is something that is going through in my mind recently and it kills me, A LOT...

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i realized people always give up on me..they did not try and they just decided to let go for some reason..and they thought whatever the decision they make is supposed to good for me...you are not me, so dont make decision for me..i know myself better..

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it does feel like that.i do feel that..and the pain of knowing it??hmph, cant describe at all...
i dont need to make decision for me, i dont need people to decide whats good for me..and i definitely do not need someone to give on me..not when i did not give up..and i dont give up..

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how can you just decide and without considering about my feeling?? was i something that light something that simple, something that can come and go for you?? that you can just let it go just like that?? im sorry but you are not the same for me..you were here and you are still here...

i regret that i did not do anything to make you realized that..i regret that i just let people decide on my fate and destiny..i should have realized nobody can make me happy but myself..but i regret more when i realized you did not even fight for me..then dont talk about not wanting me to get hurt..im hurt deep inside now, dummy...im hurt when you let go of me....

please, dont give up just yet..not when i did even put up a fight..but im tired..im seriously tired of trying when there is so much of obstacles..maybe and just maybe i should just let go..the way you did..if only i COULD and know how to..