combined post~

due to several reason, i combined a few post in 1 post..so it is gonna be a long long post...

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topic: T.T

i know im stubborn..i know im still holding on..i know it is not worth it..i know it is stupid..i know im still have false hope..i admit i do..purely because im stupid..i tried tried tried but still failed..despite all the words that you guys told me..i also know 1 by 1 of u is giving up on me coz i juz won;t listen..

im sorry..all i need is time..give me more time..

i think i oredy done a very good job in hiding..juz the thought that slipped in every now and then..i cant help it...i oredy able to acted as nothing happen..but in the same time i was dissappointed with some people that i thought he/she know@knew me better...how can i be ok in a week??think im robot??i still can smiled because what else i can do beside smile?? it is not like i can show the whole world what i'm feeling now?? for what?? so that they can pity me or so that they can comfort me or so that they can tell me that everything will be alright?? i know i dun need the pity, they cant comfort me enuf to heal it and nothing is alright at this moment..

i dun care if he stumble across this and started thinking anything..i dun care anymore..let anyone think whatever they wan as long as they are happy with it..i juz need a space to voice out my opinion..i cant forever keep it like i alwaz do..feel like bursting..this is my blog this is what i think so i have the right to write anything..even all this is not enuf to say what i initially wan to say..

and it hurt when i saw him & he acted as in we are stranger.."if i cant say hi 1st,cant you do it 1st??" that was what i thought of..it hurt more wen you said hi to them instead but u ignored me..you are the one that said lets be friend..half of me is wishing all this never happen..then probably none of this will ever happen & we still can be like usual..

life goes on..only it is goin on a very slow and torturing pace..time heals evything..yes it does but how long..if only you let it go..but what if i cant?

who is to be blame for the pain & tears?? probably only me..for being stupid..cant blame the god coz probably it is destined to be like dat..probably blame him for the lame excuse or so i think it is lame..probably on us for believing that it would work out..but guess it doesnt..

i need to move on...final coming..i oredy failed miserably in midterm..gotta put in a lot lot effort for final..then attachment right after final..cant make mistake there or else im gonna so kena marah..

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topic: BIG BANG_HARU HARU

someone is bombing my blog here with big bang's song coz he like it so much & of coz it was recommended by me ^__^..since a lot people love that song so i post the lyric here for everyone..

하루하루 - Day by day

떠나가
ye the finally I reallize that I'm nu'ttin without you
i was so wrong forgive me

ah ah ah ah-

[Verse 1]
파도처럼 부숴진 내 맘 / 바람처럼 흔들리는 내 맘
연기처럼 사라진 내 사랑 / 문신처럼 지워지지 않아
한숨만 땅이 꺼지라 쉬죠 / 내 가슴속에 먼지만 쌓이죠 (say goodbye)

[Rap]
ye 네가 없이는 단 하루도 못 살 것만 같았던 나
생각과는 다르게도 그럭저럭 혼자 잘 살아
보고 싶다고 불러봐도 넌 아무 대답 없잖아
헛된 기대 걸어봐도 이젠 소용없잖아

[Rap]
네 옆에 있는 그 사람이 뭔지 혹시 널 울리진 않는지
그대 내가 보이긴 하는지 벌써 싹 다 잊었는지
걱정되 다가가기 조차 말을 걸 수 조차 없어 애 태우고
나 홀로 긴 밤을 지새우죠 수백번 지워내죠

[Chorus]
돌아보지 말고 떠나가라 또 나를 찾지 말고 살아가라
너를 사랑했기에 후회 없기에 좋았던 기억만 가져가라
그럭저럭 참아볼만해 그럭저럭 견뎌낼만해
넌 그럴수록 행복해야되 하루하루 무뎌져가네 e e e

oh girl i cry cry yo my all say goodbye..

[Verse 2]
길을 걷다 너와나 우리 마주친다 해도
못 본 척 하고서 그대로 가던 길 가줘
자꾸만 옛 생각이 떠오르면 아마도
나도 몰래 그댈 찾아갈지도 몰라

넌 늘 그 사람과 행복하게 넌 늘 내가 다른 마음 안 먹게
넌 늘 작은 미련도 안 남게 끔 잘 지내줘 나 보란 듯이

넌 늘 저 하늘같이 하얗게 뜬 구름과도 같이 새파랗게
넌 늘 그래 그렇게 웃어줘 아무일 없듯이

[Chorus]
돌아보지 말고 떠나가라 또 나를 찾지 말고 살아가라
너를 사랑했기에 후회 없기에 좋았던 기억만 가져가라
그럭저럭 참아볼만해 그럭저럭 견뎌낼 만해
넌 그럴수록 행복해야되 하루하루 무뎌져가네 e e e

[Bridge]
나를 떠나서 맘 편해지길 / 나를 잊고서 살아가줘
그 눈물은 다 마를테니 / 하루하루 지나면

차라리 만나지 않았더라면 덜 아플텐데 um 영원히
함께하자던 그 약속 이젠 추억에 묻어두길 바래 baby 널 위해 기도해

[Chorus]**

oh girl i cry cry yo my all say goodbye bye
oh my love don't lie lie
yo my heart say good bye

Credits to Mnet


하루하루 - Day by day

Leave me
ye the finally I reallize that I'm nu'ttin without you
i was so wrong forgive me


My heart broken like tides
My heart swaying like wind
My love faded like smoke
It never erases like tattoos
I just sigh so the ground shakes
Dust just collects inside my heart (Say goodbye)


Ye Thought I wouldn't be able to live a single day without you
But it's different from what I expected, I'm getting along well
You never answer when I cry out I miss you
It's all in vain to have vain expectations


Who's the person next to you, does he ever make you cry
Do you even see me or did you forget everything
I'm worried, anxious cause I cannot even approach you or talk to you
I stay up the long night alone, I erase it off hundreds of times


Don't look back and just leave me, and don't look for me, just live on
I have no regrets cause I loved you, so just take our happy memories
I can stand it somehow, I can bear it somehow
As much as I do this, you need to be happy, it's fading day by day

Oh girl I cry cry yo my all say goodbye


Even though we bump into each other
Just keep going on your way pretending you didn't see me
If our old memories pop up maybe
I might go to see you without noticing

Always be happy with him, so my mind never changes
Get along well as if it is for me to see so that I won't have a single regret

As white as the sky, as blue as the floating cloud
Always smile like you do as if nothing happened


Don't look back and just leave me, and don't look for me, just live on
I have no regrets cause I loved you, so just take our happy memories
I can stand it somehow, I can bear it somehow
As much as I do this, you need to be happy, it's fading day by day


Hope you feel more comfortable after leaving me
Just forget me and live on
The tears will all dry up
After day by day

It wouldn't hurt like this if we never met each other um
Now keep our promise to be together forever as a memory
baby I pray for you



Oh girl I cry cry yo my all say goodbye bye
Oh my love don't lie lie
Yo my heart say good bye

the lyric is a litle sad but im not very into the mv..juz love the song & the content..

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title:mid-autumn festival

mama asked me go back to help her to arrange a small small gathering for family, a few relatives and a few close friends for the mid-autumn..so that house have dunno what 'ren-qi' something about people,noise and liveliness..i kena stared at when i suggest she juz give me the money and me & bro shouted around the house for her..correct right?since she need the people, noise and liveliness...then why not me & bro juz on the speaker loudly & both of us shout and laugh whole day in change for the money??

[p/s: i need money for omnia]

win win situation..but i better guai guai listen to her rather than make more noise..later all my plan for omnia & tattoo gone..my $$$ is all under her..

ok,anyway i drive home but 1st thing i did when i reached home is crying in front of her..d**m, it's been a long long time since i did dat..but i needed her comfort..though she not helping much since i didnt tell her anything, juz said that i have 2 many problems at moment.

but not long after that, she oredy started make me her driver/slave..drive her here & there to order food & stuff...

zhu didi's idea[ i think] and with dad's help..all the lantern is put up there...

on D-day morning, wake up a lil early to prepare the jelly...guided by sis Ping & kacau-ed by Hamano

haha..this is the half-ready jelly..nice izzit??of coz la,see who is the one that do it..[me la..]

the jelly ready served...this is juz part of me..still got more hide in frigde..

sis Li & Giselle...

their family potrait...

me & Giselle..

Giselle, me & Dawson..hard wanna get those kids to look at the camera...[kar lai said im using Dawson to cover my sexy outfit...1st.where got sexy? 2nd. i memang love baby boy that dun cry..3.think i suka suka go peluk evy1 1 meh..but im happy coz he wan me peluk,dun wan my sis..haha]

Giselle & Julian[i assumed his name is spelled this way]

the cleaning up session...

the wash all the pot session..i hated this very much..once in A Famosa once in PD..i have enuf..sori sis for not helping..

the lantern that were litten using candles...

the lantern that were put up by pa..

quote of the day:
if you are lost, just follow the red little lantern & it will bring you back to me....
i may have lit thousand of red little lantern but it was litten with the hope that it will brighten you path back to me...

[damn emo quote, i know..]

that;s the end of the party..but i almost begged to my mom not to make any party anymore..so much work after that..gotta clean up the whole house..if wan have open party for 9 people only, then ok..more than that, it is a big no-no..